I will happily admit that I got this so wrong in the beginning. It seemed such an overreaction to be talking about isolations and lockdowns. I had seen the government and NHS responses to previous outbreaks such as Swine flu and Ebola while working in A&E. I was certain that this was a similar scenario. I was quite off the mark with that call.
We listened to the right sources and made a call earlier than advised to shut our business down. This risk and the consequences involved evoke an anxiety that is at times overwhelming to be frank. We’re in the same situation as so many others with the addition of home schooling and being in such close quarters with the family, you can almost taste the tension in the air. In the midst of all this we lost my sweet Nan whom I had not seen for weeks because of this shitty situation. Being robbed of someone is hard enough but to not have a proper funeral and send off really limits that closure. There’s been a lot to reflect on I reckon.
Let’s face it, we probably needed a distraction and being nurses, we had a contradicting internal dialogue. Do we protect our family and the business we have built? Do we go back to help our old work family in A&E, or anywhere for that matter? We decided to try to do both; the instinct to help after all those years in nursing is probably too deeply ingrained I guess.
We made efforts to join and work back at our old trust but as always this takes quite a bit of time and we are still yet to have confirmation that we can start to work shifts. I also spent 2 days in London to train for working at the Nightingale hospital only to find out it is unlikely at this stage that I will be required to work there. This is fantastic news in terms of the pandemic but also quite frustrating personally if I’m completely honest. Not only do I have this feeling of obligation to help being supressed, it also took quite a bit mentally to prepare myself, not only to return to hospital nursing but also to adapt to a very challenging environment.
With time at home or stuck on an empty train I had time to think, and there are so many questions to be answered when it comes to Coronavirus. The answers to which become so blurred by the contradictions from news and individual opinions throughout standard and social media. But are we asking the right questions? Will the answers we get make a difference to us, either as a nation or individually?